In my previous post I concluded that I was going to try and give it a go with the Nigerian man… well that didn’t happen. The chemistry was there but that’s all it was- scientific! There was nothing else. He was not willing to be known by me and in many ways I missed the whole atmosphere I got with B, who by the way at this point was still my friend and still chat to periodically. I decided at this point I was better off being on my own and not fall into my previous ways of jumping into a relationship even when I know that’s not what I need or want.
I stopped talking to M altogether after all other than the chemistry there was really nothing else.
B on the other hand was still a feature in my life. I was speaking to him regularly, sharing the chronicles of my days with him. I think working in Manchester helps as we would meet for lunch on a Wednesday, walk around the Christmas markets enjoying each other’s company.
In my heart I was feeling that we should be together, but we were not! Macy Grays song was constantly on my mind. Finally we decided to take it slow and see how things will go!
And I am happy! I think this is my very first nature relationship. it’s been three months and I haven’t cried once! We had some difficult conversations but still managed to stay calm. This is what I like about him- he calms me… and he doesn’t see me as a teen mum. To him as just a normal single mum. He is aware of what hurts me and he doesn’t go out of his way to make sure I hurt. This may seem like normal behaviour but trust me when I say I had not experienced it yet until now. I don’t feel clingy because I am satisfied. I don’t feel insecure because I trust my heart with him. I know he will look after it.
I am not looking for a father for my son, but he gets along very well with him. He is gentle, calm, attentive and he listens to him. Even I am learning from him. I don’t know where this is going but I am happy I am on this ride, steady little bumps but that’s expected… x