It’s been a little while since my last post. I have been so busy try to juggle everything happening in my life. I really feel like my life is like a telenovela!
I have gone up and down trying to choose which of the two men I was going to be with. This sounds very shady and I can’t justify the process myself.
Let me just make it very clear that I was never trying to choose one against another. It was against what I want and what I am looking for.
Let me start with B, whilst he is so nice, caring and an extremely encouraging friend, he is afraid of committing and he doesn’t want to have anymore kids. On that basis I can’t live in hope that he may change his mind. Whilst I don’t want a child today; I think this is something I really want in the future. I am only 29 so to close that possibility now seems very immature. Having considered all this, I told B that we should just be friends, this way I will never lose him and we will have a platonic relationship were the heart is protected and we can pursue other relationships that will ultimately meet our needs.
Talking to B was easy, very open and non judgemental. M, however is a whole different story. I already had massive reservations based on the fact he is part Nigerian. I suffered terrible heartbreaks at the hands of a couple Nigerian men and I really do not want to go through that again. But as the old African saying “where they get battered is where they go”. This means even though I know he may hurt me I still want to try. Shocking, I know!!!